DAILY SCHEDULE FOR MONTREAL CANADIENS ROOKIE CAMP
8:00am: Breakfast with Canadiens greats Jean Beliveau, Yvan Cournoyer and Dickie Moore. Rookies may enjoy the opportunity to talk with these Hall-of-Fame players, hear their stories about playing for the Canadiens and ask for tips. (Note: future fourth-liners and try-outs may dine with Yvon Lambert instead.) Biosteel protein shakes are optional, no matter what Mike Cammalleri says.
8:45am: Bus to rink.
9:00am: Recitation of The System Prayer. "On my honour, I swear to uphold The System, regardless of whatever temptation I may face to give in to offensive tendencies. I vow to defend my own zone at the peril of goals and to meekly ride the bench if ever I should lose my man and he go on to score. In the name of Jacques Martin, Amen." To be followed by a few moments of reflection on The System.
9:15am: Team White on ice for drills on defensive zone coverage. Team Red in gym for dry-land training. (NOTE: Do NOT pat Brian Gionta on the head, no matter how tempted you may be.)
11:00am: Teams switch, with the exception of any player taller than 6'1". Tall players stay in the gym and continue to "fill out."
12:00pm: Lunch, to be provided at arena.
1:00pm: Classroom sessions. All players must attend at least four.
Session A: How to Act Like You Really Mean to Learn French. Moderated by Scott Gomez.
Session B: When the Guy Who's Helping You Buy Your TV Might Be a Russian Mobster. (Alexander Avtsin attendance mandatory.)
Session C: Is She REALLY 16? Tips For Keeping Your Puck Bunnies Legal.
Session D: This Is a Great Bunch of Guys: Seven Phrases You Can Use to Answer Almost Any Media Query
Session E: Social Media and the Modern Hockey Player. Advice on Keeping Your Mexican Vacation Pics Off the Internet.
Session F: Nutrition. A Brief Introduction to Sushi (An NHLer's Favourite Food, Regardless of Whether He Grew Up On Kraft Dinner) and Related Montreal Area Restaurants.
Session G: Managing Your Finances: Vegas Is Not a Reasonable Investment Solution. Guest Speaker: Jaromir Jagr.
5:00pm: Bus to Bar-B-Barn for dinner. (NOTE: The Guillaume Latendresse Memorial Whole Hawg dinner is on special for the duration of rookie camp.)
6:00pm: Back to rink for evening scrimmage.
6:10pm: First round picks to play one shift, then sit on the bench for the remainder of the scrimmage. (NOTE: Better get used to it early.)
7:30pm: Media session. (Remember, this is a great bunch of guys!)
8:30pm: Evening entertainment
Option A: Sushi and a movie
Option B: Nickelback concert (NOTE: Those choosing this option may be at risk of bad tattoos and failure to complete high school diplomas.)
Option C: Seinfeld reruns with Tomas Plekanec
Option D: Drinking games with Guy Lafleur
Option E: Team bowling with Guy Carbonneau
11:00pm: Lights out. (NOTE: Perry Pearn will be available for lullabies and bedtime hugs if required.)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
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7 comments:
FANtastic!
very good!
LOVED IT, JT! (Especially the bit about the "System"...)
Excellent, very funny stuff yet oddly and sufficiently real at the same time...
Awesome, as usual.
ROTFLMAO
Biosteel!
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