Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Baby Boom

Photo courtesy of Josie Gold.

First, it was Michael Cammalleri. He came to training camp a first-time new dad and people have been wondering all season why he doesn't have quite the jump we'd like to see from him every night. He was caught failing to pay adequate attention to his surroundings when he allowed himself to be cut by Yannick Weber's skate. The "injury" meant he could rest at home with his little daughter for a couple of weeks.

Then, it was Hal Gill. His third child was born this season and he's been looking slower and more klutzy than ever with the puck. Sure, his shot-blocking has been fine, but he developed a mysterious infection after getting cut in the leg last month. Not coincidentally, he ended up spending more time at home with the baby while recouperating.

Now, it's Tomas Plekanec. His first baby, a little boy (pictured above), was born on Sunday and already he's missing practice to spend time with his family. How long will it be before he develops some strange ailment or borderline injury that will require him to stay away from the team? And if he doesn't disappear altogether, can we expect his play to remain as consistent as it usually is?

With all the analysis of the Canadiens' sub-par performance this year, few people have pinpointed the real reason for it: babies. Babies whine, cry, poop and demand, keeping hardworking hockey players from their pre-game naps. These guys have to be in tip-top shape, but how are they supposed to work out when they're pushing a stroller? These underhanded miniature people are undermining our team, and must be controlled at once. After all, if Plekanec has been subverted, it won't be long before the rest of his teammates follow suit. There could already be others we just haven't heard about.

Then again, on the plus side, it's only 18 years before Plekanec Junior is eligible to be drafted by the Habs. Okay. In that case, congratulations to the proud new dad!


dusty said...

Cute little guy. And an interesting theory on the Habs suckitude.

I thought that the Canadiens hit the bottom in Anaheim but apparently it was only a shelf and they rolled off it last night. Who can say how much farther down they can go.

The Habs under PG are looking disturbingly like Cliff Fletcher's leafs. The Habs seem comfortable in the bottom third of the NHL standings and most likely belong there, Markov or no Markov. JM and PG will finish out the season and then we will see if Molson gives a rats ass about the team or only the money. I would be looking for a new GM after Christmas so as to be ready to pull the plug in time for the draft.

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend suggested Hab fans start throwing rubbers on the ice.

Scott in Montreal said...

With all due respect (and as a working dad), I never got a break from my boss, always had to fish or cut bait, as it were. And these guys and their trophy wives are flush with cash to hire nannies, housekeepers, gardeners and the whole bit. Yes, a newborn is a distraction, and one hopes these guys are involved daddies when at home; but with the major injuries to other key players, the one luxury they don't have is to use domestic concerns as an excuse for sub-par performances on the ice. And of the three, Pleks has certainly delivered.

Raj said...

Cute picture, good photoshopping and a humorous tongue-in-cheek post, which is sorely needed given the team's on-ice performance of late.

Actually, JT, I think babies are only half the story. I read on HIO that one reason being advanced for the Habs' listless game against Columbus was that it was the first game back after a road trip; conjugal activity was the root cause of the lack of performance on the ice. Funnily enough, the comment was made in reference to the married players on the team. I guess PK and Carey Price must live in a monastery when they're not at the rink. Perhaps that poster on HIO knows something I don't. I suggest that PG draft future Habs from a seminary. I don't think JM would be displeased as he looks like he would be quite comfortable running one.

Anonymous said...

Raj Have you seen Price's girlfriend? Gorgeous!

I loved that line " underhanded miniature people are undermining team and must control them at once". The real problem is the fact they have cut down on the ephedrine in the locker rooms!!!

Anonymous said...

Babies are fun. They get you pumped up. The guys on the Habs aren't pumped up. Check out PK. They are going through the motions.

And that is all there is to this story. Muller was the cheerleader. Muller was the guy who brought enthusiasm to the team. Enough to take them from a listless also ran to the bottom of the playoff pack.

Young men need to be motivated. In life a woman is a man's motivation. In sports it is men like Crosby who lead teams. The Habs don't have anyone like that. They have good guys to train with, to drink with, and who have your back. They just need someone to kick them now and then.

Dave said...

Great post as always. JT and GG are a killer combo.