Monday, April 6, 2009

Candlelight and Wine

Al Strachan (yeah, I know it's Strachan, but bear with me...) said on Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday that Bob Gainey has had Carey Price over for dinner a couple of times since he's taken over as coach of the team. I heard this is what happened:

The Scene: An expensive condo in downtown Montreal

Doorbell: Bells chime out "I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day..."

Gainey opens door.

Carey Price: Hey, Bob. Great doorbell.
Bob Gainey: Just trying to make you feel at home, my friend. I'm down with the scene, you know what I mean?
CP: Yeah...okay...Hey, thanks for the invitation. Me and Gorgie and Higgy were going to head out to Buona, but this is a nice treat.
BG: Well, come on in. Dinner will be ready soon.
CP: This is a really nice place you've got here, Bob. Although I expected it to be, I don't know, bigger?
BG: Well, it serves me well enough.
CP: Hey, where's all your hockey stuff? You must have tons of cool trophies around here. All we ever hear about is how many Cups you've won and how you're a Hall of Famer and shit...uh...I mean stuff.
BG: It's around somewhere. Takes up a lot of space, so most of it's in storage. Glass of wine?
CP: Ah, I'm not much for wine. I'll have a Vodka Red Bull though, if you've got it.
BG: (sighs) Sure. Let me take care of that for you. Okay, here you go. Now, take a seat in here, while we wait for dinner.

(They sit across a coffee table and sip their drinks as they consider why they're really in this room together.)

BG: Okay, Carey, you probably figured there's more to this evening than just dinner.
CP: Well...first of all, I want to say, that wasn't me in those pictures. Okay, well, it was, but it was "Holiday Carey." That's not the real me, if you know what I mean. And those rumours you heard...those weren't true at all.
BG: I didn't call you here to talk about the past...wait...what rumours? Is there something you should be telling me?
CP: at all. And there's nothing to tell about Lapierre either.
BG: (long pause, clears throat) Yes, well, I want to talk about right now. Whatever's happened in the past, has happened. We want to start over right now.

(Gainey rises and from a cupboard takes a couple of drums and an incense burner)

BG: Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to light this incense, and we're going to drum until all the bad mojo is gone.

(Gainey hands a drum to a dumbfounded Price.)

CP: Jeez, Bob. I didn't know you were into...well, I didn't're not serious, right?
BG: (fixing Price with a gimlet eye) Dead serious. I'll start. (tap-a-tap-tap-tap-SLAP-tap-a-tap-tap) Come on, kid...your turn.
CP: (looking a little scared) this? (tap-a-tap-a-tap-a-tap)
BG: No, hit the thing. Drum out all the anger and frustration. Pretend the drum is Jean Perron's head.
CP: (with a little more enthusiasm) You mean like this? (SLAP-SLAP-a-tappity-tap-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP) Hey...this is kind of fun. Can I pretend the drum is Rollie's head? (SLAP-I-SLAP-WON'T-SLAP-GO-SLAP-DOWN-SLAP-ON-SLAP-EVERY-SLAP-SHOT-SLAP. I'M-tappity-tappity-tappity-tap-A-HYBRID-SLAP-GOALIE!! SLAP SLAP SLAP)
BG: There you go, kid. Let it out.
BG: Get angry, Carey. Drum it out.
CP: I'M-tap-NOT-tap-A-tap-BAD-GUY. tap tap I'M-SLAP-NOT-tap-A-tap-LOSER-SLAP-PARTY ANIMAL. (slows his rhythm) Hey, Bob, this incense is making me feel funny. I miss my horse.
BG: Okay, Carey, that's enough drumming for now. Here, let me put on some nice Garth Brooks.
CP: (sniffling) I mean it, Bob. I really miss my horse. And it really makes me sad when I give up five goals a game. I feel like such a let-down, you know?
BG: I know. Do you need a hug?
CP: Yeah, I kind of do.
BG: (pats Price on the back) There, now you're okay. Let's have some dinner.
CP: (wiping eyes) Wow. I feel so much better suddenly. I feel like I could take on the world. Like I could shut out the Bruins.
BG: Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. You'll come back for another session, I Thursday. Now...soup or salad?

The Scene: Media scrum around Price's locker after today's practice

Reporter: So, Carey, you've been playing a lot better these days. And we hear you've been having dinner at Bob's house since he took over as coach. We're wondering if those two things are related. What do you guys talk about?
CP: Oh, this and that. Hockey mostly.
Reporter: Hey, is that incense in your locker?
CP: (furtively throwing towel over evidence) No way man. I have no idea what you're talking about. You media guys...


Darren Bifford said...

Great stuff, J.T! Who doesn't need a hug from Gainey?

Anonymous said...

Too funny! I can actually visualize this. It made wonder though, does Bob have any Czech rituals or symbols to help Plekanec with his scoring. The poor guy can't buy a goal lately.

Darren Bifford said...

Well, both Markov and Schneider are out. Do we have any reasonable grounds for hope? At least Markov will be back by the playoffs, if the playoffs. The gods shineth not on this centennial team.