Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Lost in Translation

Another trade deadline day has come and gone, and now it's time to analyse where teams line up for the playoffs, and what might be their chances of using their new acquisitions to help them win the Stanley Cup. A few of the Canadiens have given us their thoughts in the wake of the deadline non-frenzy. Sometimes, though, if you don't speak hockey babble, it might be tough to pick through the cliches for some real meaning. So, with the intention of making it easier for you, the fan, to understand what the Habs think of their position post-trade deadline, here are some of their statements, followed by hockey babble translation.

Pierre Gauthier:

We've made a lot of changes this year because of injuries to the defencemen. I feel like the guy who saves all his vacation time and all his money to go on a nice holiday in the summer, then he notices his roof is leaking, so he has to spend all his money and the whole summer fixing the roof. We probably were in a position early in the year when we had accumulated assets and some financial resources to see as things went along if we could do something to improve the club. Instead, we ended up patching things along the way.


Sorry fans. We thought this might be the year when we might actually be able to do something noteworthy. We had a couple of second rounders and some guys we thought we could move, like Maxwell and Lapierre. But all the blown knees on defence meant we had to toss out our big plans for improving and buy enough useable parts to keep us in the playoff picture. I could have thrown in the towel and traded a bunch of guys for picks and prospects for next year, but Mr.Molson would have killed me.

Mr.Sopel has won a Stanley Cup as recently as last year, and he's an experienced person who will bring some good leadership to our group.


Yeah, he's another placeholding geezer, but this one's actually played for a good team in recent memory, so maybe some of that will rub off on some of the rest of these guys.

There were probably some (deals). It depends on how much you want to pay.


We're broke. Outside of the couple of first-round prospects we've got left, nobody wanted anything else we had to offer. It's a yard sale in a trailer park around here.

It's very easy not to like your players. You see them all the time. They all have their pluses and minuses. But we see a lot of what's going on around the league and we see how the other teams perform. And I'm sure they feel the same way sometimes about their players.


Yes. Gomez has been sucking out loud, but we're stuck with him. Hey, at least he's not Souray, am I right?

Mr.Spacek has been reevaluated by the doctors today, and we will give you some more news in the next hours or days.


Spatcho could be having his leg amputated later this afternoon, but next week I will tell you he's got a lower-body injury and his return is undetermined.

We just got Mr.Cammalleri back. That's a strong addition to our team.


Cammalleri had better light it up like New Year's Eve, or we're probably screwed.

Brian Gionta:

All the guys are comfortable with the team we have. When we play the way we can, we're a tough team to beat.


Sucks we didn't get somebody to keep Chara off my ass. Oh well, I guess it's back to eating rubber and elbows every night for another playoff season.

P.K. Subban:

We've always been a confident bunch in here, and we've beat some of the best teams...you look at last year, and we've got the same core of guys we had last year. I know there's some injuries, some veteran and key parts of our team aren't in the lineup, but we've had guys stepping up all year to help us.


Man, I hope I don't sound like I have an opinion. Everyone hates it when I do that. Do I say "confident?" No, better not...they'll say I meant "cocky." Oh, damn, it slipped out. Okay...focus on the other guys. Credit to the veterans...credit to the veterans.

Hal Gill:

I like our team. We've worked a lot on coming together. We're gonna go out and win with the guys we got.


I block shots with Crosby; I block 'em with Gionta. Makes no never mind to me. It'd be nice if these guys could pull a miracle out of their ass, though. We had some fun last year.

Scott Gomez:

We're confident in this group. We believe in it. We like the makeup of our team. If we can get better, that's obviously our goal. We all get along here. It's a great group of guys with a good vibe in the room. It's a close-knit group. We're going to get as far as we can.


Whew. Thought someone might take my contract for a while there. Ha ha. Anyway, nobody here gives me a hard time, so it's nice. We'll have some fun in April, but don't hold your breath, fans.

There you go. Post-deadline comments translated for your reading pleasure. The Canadiens will undoubtedly do their best to make the playoffs and advance in them, but they will be hard-pressed to do so. Just as Gauthier was hard-pressed to turn a lack of expendable assets into concrete help. All we can do is support the team and hang on for the ride.


Mike said...

Added bonus for Gomez's:

I wonder who I can pay off next to do something stupid. I already got PK to piss of Gill, I got Lapierre to put grapes in Martins shoes.. I wonder about the new guys, maybe I can get Mara to hit on Muller?

Anonymous said...

PG in a nutshell:

the other GM's didnt want Spacek or Gomez. I didnt ask for much but still no takers. We are stuck with these two for another year at least. Hey Sopel and Mara are new guys that wont get beat up by the Bruins!


Anonymous said...

What's been said:
We're here, we're OK, we'll make the playoffs. Don't make us stir up the air or we'll all be ill. We don't need to score goals if we can stop/block/pray - we just need to be happy. Oh, and if we keep PK quiet, maybe all the others won't hit us so hard.

Translation: Shut up PK, you're too interesting. We need to keep you down and make you interview like all the other players in the league. No drive, no excitement. We're small and fast. No one could possibly fit that mould. We like the crawl to 8th. We can beat the Flyers in 4.

DT said...

LOL! JT, you crack me up. Les Canadiens should put you on their payroll.

Anonymous said...

I figured it out. Gomez stays with the team because he is tight with Gionta. Gionta is longtime friend of Gomez, Gionta is also captain, which means he has influence on the team, has some pull. Giant is dies with Gill...noticing an American inner group thing here? Like dominoes, they now start to pull in other Americans...Halpern, Wiz, Patch, Mara...making the mere thought of exing Gomez an instant wrench in the wheel of the team chemistry. We know who the leaders on the team are; management knows it too. Messing with the structure would destroy the clic mentioned above. This is why Gomez stays. He is well-protected.

Seen the movie "diaries of a wimpy kid"? Know about the "cheese touch"? Anyone who plays on Gomez' line gets the "Gomez toch".